WEBVTT
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Hello everyone.
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And welcome to today's episode.
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I'm Lisa Brandis, your host, and I'm so excited to dive into a topic that is deeply important to me, self care for healers.
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As healers, intuitive guides and spiritual practitioners, we dedicate so much of our time and energy to others.
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But how do we ensure that we don't burn out In the process to help us explore this, I'm thrilled to introduce our guest today, Laura McVeigh.
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Laura is a holistic counselor and intuitive Reiki master and a passionate advocate for empowering others through self care and energy alignment.
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She creates a supportive space for her clients to transform stress and overwhelm into a sense of rejuvenation and balance.
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And with her extensive knowledge, she helps people around the world make meaningful changes in their lives.
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So welcome, Laura.
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I'm very excited.
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Well, as one of my Reiki masters, it has been such a joy to witness your evolution over the last five years.
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It's been since you became a Reiki master.
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And I'm so proud of, witnessing your Remarkable journey.
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And also bridging counseling and Reiki and energy healing to create, yeah, really life changing experiences for your clients.
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And today we were having a bit of a chat before we met about what kind of topic would be really relevant for people today.
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We talked about the experience of burnout and it's a common thing with healers, especially, and quite often it would be one of the biggest questions is how do I not take on other people's stress and when we're, you know, empathic, it can be very easy to Really tune into what's going on with others and then, and then burnout.
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And so I wanted to talk to you specifically about, what exactly is burnout?
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Mm-hmm
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Burnout is the idea that, well, let's start with stress, because everyone experiences stress.
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It's a daily thing.
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We all live with it.
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But there is a difference between being stressed or being under pressure and burnout.
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So stress can be useful.
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It can be aggravating when we're talking about burnout specifically, there's kind of three hallmarks that would separate burnout from being stressed.
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So the first one is emotional exhaustion.
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So that's the fatigue that we experienced because we care too much for too long without that idea of refilling the cup, so to speak.
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big signal, and I think this is the one that people tend to notice first, is the depersonalization.
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So we're talking about depletion of empathy, depletion of compassion.
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It's like, Again, we've just cared for so long.
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It's not that we don't care, but we cannot connect with that feeling anymore.
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It's just, oh great, another thing we have to do, another session we have to run instead of feeling the joy and the honor of being able to be in this healer position.
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And the third one is decreased sense of accomplishment.
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And I think this is where people get really down and really start to notice the burnout is feeling of, it doesn't matter what I do, it's not making a difference.
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Not necessarily, I'm going to stop because why should I bother, but what is this for?
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It's not helping anyone.
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So those are the three big signs I would say that someone is experiencing burnout rather than stress.
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Yeah, interesting.
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Yes.
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How do we recognize it?
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Because I would imagine and probably looking at my own experience, these things creep up slowly.
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And, you know, you can have one really good day where you feel amazing.
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And then you have a couple of really low days.
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And then after a while, the low days become more than the great days.
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So, you know, I would imagine, and from my own experience as well, it can be quite challenging to recognize and identify that you might be experiencing burnout.
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So is there any telltale signs?
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And it is one of those things where we start to think again about we chronically stressed or is this burnout?
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Because obviously chronic stress is something that lasts for a long period of time.
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There's the idea as well that not all stress is a bad thing.
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Some, some exciting things like buying a house or having a child are incredibly stressful, although they're very positive experiences.
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And I think a lot of the time people think, but this is such a good thing.
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Why am I burned out?
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I'm doing the, the job I've always wanted to do.
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Why do I, why am I not connecting with it anymore?
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So there's a whole range of symptoms, so to speak.
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So physical signs include things like issues, breathing, digestive issues, painful muscles, headaches, even issues like a heart rate and blood pressure.
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Being elevated, sleep disturbances, the things you'd kind of recognize, mental signs can be things like jumping to conclusions, tunnel vision, blaming others, catastrophizing, overgeneralizing is a big one.
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I recognize in a lot of my clients as well.
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And then probably really the biggest one that I notice is just that disconnect.
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So just knowing that you're supposed to be enjoying your time with your family and your friends and just not, just not being
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Yeah.
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that.
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Yeah.
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And could that be described as just kind of a numbing sensation where you just, yeah, that feeling of kind of floating through your experiences without feeling the ups and the downs or is it different to that?
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And this is where it tends to get very messy because all the things we've described also could be applied to if you're dealing with anxiety, if you're dealing with depression, if you're dealing with grief, believe it or not, a lot of those signs are
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Yeah.
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So it is really, I feel knowing yourself, what this is, and then knowing when to get help.
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maybe it is a break.
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Maybe you need to see a doctor.
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Yeah.
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balance
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Yeah.
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And you know, I think we find as healers that quite often people that.
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don't want to go and see a psychologist or don't necessarily want to go to the doctor.
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It's almost like a bit more of a gentle way of easing them into perhaps a recommendation or a transition to a therapist.
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It's like a safe kind of fun experience.
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It's a bit nurturing.
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They're, they're not necessarily being labeled with anything by us.
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We do not diagnose in our therapy.
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So, you know, obviously you and I come with other skills, you know, I am a clinical hypnotherapist, like you're, you know, you're a trained counselor.
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So we have these other modalities that sit alongside the Reiki healing that we offer people, but I have found, through the thousands of students I've taught that it is a safe place for people to come.
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And kind of first admit that they're having problems because a lot of us in society, we just squash, we suppress, we don't like those negative emotions.
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And so quite often people will go to all kinds of different ways of distracting ourselves.
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And in today's day and age, there's certainly no shortage of distractions is there to kind of take us out of.
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Oh
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gosh.
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absolutely.
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So it sounds to me from what you're saying, the first thing we need to do is identify that we're having a problem because we have to also move through, you know, that we might be in denial.
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I know it wasn't me that brought the awareness to the help that I needed when I experienced burnout.
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It was my husband and one of my best friends.
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And I was literally still arguing with them saying, no, I don't have a problem.
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I don't have a problem because it felt too big to recognize and identify.
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And I just didn't want to stop the busyness that I had.
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And exactly what you said, you know, I'm doing the work that I love.
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It's part of my calling.
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I was.
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Born to do this work.
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So it had nothing to do with the job, my purpose, my calling, because all those are the same and haven't changed.
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It was just the way in which I was working.
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That was slowly over time, depleting my energy to the point of being in dysfunction, in a state of dysfunction.
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And I did actually get psychology.
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You know, I went and saw a psychologist that was a big step for me as a healer and as someone who teaches and empowers people.
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And you know, is, is the, the standard I held for myself, and I'm sure there's other leaders and healers that would recognize and identify in this.
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It took a lot of courage for me to admit that I was actually having mental struggles.
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And even for a long time, I didn't talk about it with my students because again, I had to protect that vulnerable part of me that was in pain.
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And processing the healing I was going through, but I think it's important to acknowledge that we can still be an amazing healer and have, you know, mental health issues and we can still doing amazing work and still need to get help and support, you know?
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So I think that the human aspect and the spiritual aspect co exist, don't they?
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We're not one thing or the other.
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And even the way you were speaking about that, being a healer and being a leader and being a mentor and a teacher is obviously a massive part of who you identify as.
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Oh,
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swoop in and say, not that you're not doing it right, but there's something interfering with it.
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That's a huge issue then with self identity.
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So
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and it was a massive.
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kind of
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Yeah, massive identity
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top.
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crisis,
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Yeah.
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and of course my big turning point story was that I used to have anxiety and Becoming a Reiki master changed all that for me.
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So my big story of transformation and And I'd never experienced burnout, burnout came later in my life, but my big transformation story was that you know Reiki healed My mental illness back then, so to then identify that, Oh, it's not doing it's, it hasn't, it hasn't remained that way for my entire life, you know, that, that,
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Yeah.
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was the part that I found, you know, it was almost like I'm, I'm running retreats and I'm teaching people.
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So that's why it took me so long to identify that I had the issue because of exactly what you said.
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It was that it was a crisis of identity.
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Who am I then, you know, if not, yeah.
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And the bigger the following, the worse it felt, right?
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And I had a big following.
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I still do, but it was, yeah, huge pressure.
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imposter syndrome
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Oh my God.
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there is going to say, well, if you're such an amazing healer, why haven't you fixed yourself?
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Yeah, exactly.
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But you know what the big breakthrough came?
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It came when my mum, I rocked up on mum's door, sobbing my heart out.
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And she said to me, Lisa, you're not a robot.
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And it was like, Is someone giving someone that loves me dearly, my mother giving me permission to be human, like to, and it was the pressure, not anyone else put on myself.
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It was all the pressure that came from me to live up to this unrealistic standard of happiness and recognizing that the minute I took the pressure off myself and when I don't have to be, you know, I don't have to be anyone's guru or anyone's spiritual teacher.
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I just have to be me.
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And then.
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It allowed me to continue working, but from a place of new authenticity.
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Yeah.
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because
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So we don't, how dare you
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be a human with feelings, like, what were you thinking?
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and you know, what I found is that the students related to me, they're like, Oh God, you too.
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Right.
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Cause it actually made me more relatable because people all have struggles and I never judged anyone else.
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Just judged my own, which was part of my, you know.
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Part of, yeah, my makeup and, and how I'm wired.
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So what advice would you give to healers that struggle with a similar kind of experience, Laura?
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Either fear of being judged or even fear of taking care of themselves and getting the help that they need.
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I think one of the interesting exercises that I've done with clients is to, and we've all done it, imagine you were talking to your best friend.
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Would you
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Yeah.
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friend, be a robot, stop feeling, keep working, you've got to do this, nobody's going to take you seriously, if you're not doing, doing, doing, you would never say that to your best friend, or to your mum, or to your child, no way on earth would you do that.
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I think the first step would be, speak to yourself with more compassion.
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More kindly.
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If you are not in a place where you are ready to hear it, that's okay too.
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But trust the people who are telling you.
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if you're seeing your healer and they're saying, look, I'm a bit worried.
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You seemed like you seem like you're heading down the road to burnout.
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Or your mom says to you, your husband or your best friend says to you, Hey, something feels a little bit off.
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you trust
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Mm.
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Do you trust the
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Mm.
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they're giving you Because it's coming from a place of love.
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Yeah.
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Listen to the people that love you and treat yourself with some compassion because this is a human experience.
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It is completely normal to be going through these sorts of very human experiences.
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Yeah, so perfect.
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And that's exactly what I ended up doing as part of my recovery from burnout was learning how to be kinder with myself.
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And what I found, Laura, which is interesting, is that kindness is one of my top values, as is compassion.
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And over time, the burnout slowly eroded my self love and my self compassion.
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That's why it was a surprise that I was no longer being kind to myself.
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Because, you know, learning to love myself was something I did 20 years ago.
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That was the early days of learning Reiki.
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And I've been practicing now for 22 years.
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So I really wanted to, point that out to people.
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Self love is an ongoing practice.
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And it's something that, you know, we, we constantly have to work at.
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And sometimes we don't recognize when we've gone off track.
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I didn't recognize I was being hard on myself.
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Others were seeing it, but I didn't believe I was.
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And I think that's part of the distortion.
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We don't see ourself clearly when we're in a bit of a dysfunctional state.
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And funny enough, I was catastrophizing and it was my accountant that said to me, cause I was in some panic over some financial thing.
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She actually pointed out to me that I was catastrophizing.
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And how did she know it?
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Because she had had anxiety.
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She had had someone pointed out to her a therapist, and then she was able to identify it within me.
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And she was the one that told me to go to my mum's.
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She said, just take yourself to your mum's.
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You need to get some help, right?
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Love comes in all different places and from all different people, right?
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The time we need it.
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So,
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Absolutely.
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So,
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that idea that you mentioned of guilt,
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yes, yeah, yeah.
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Guilt plays a big part in it, self care and guilt.
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absolutely.
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And taking the time you need to look after yourself is, I think, one of the biggest hurdles because we are very conditioned to keep going, keep working, keep doing the things.
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You've got a to do list you have to take care of.
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And like we spoke about yesterday, the thing that probably makes me madder than just about anything in the world One of the top things, um, is when people say you have to fill your cup so you can give to others.
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It's like, no,
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Yeah.
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Just, you should fill your cup because you're a human being.
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I'm getting so aggravated just thinking about it.
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You should fill your cup because you're a human being and you are deserving of looking after yourself.
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And a lot of people struggle with that idea because again, it's
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Yeah,
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I'm a mom, I'm a carer, I'm a healer.
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I have to do all these things for all these other people.
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It's like, no.
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You should just look after yourself.
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And people find that really, really uncomfortable.
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Yeah.
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I noticed like even your energy changed when you spoke about it and you said yourself it makes you angry.
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What about that makes you angry?
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What is it exactly about that, that popular notion that, that kind of,
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piece of conditioning, isn't it?
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You have to be nice, you have to be caring, you have to be good, you have to look after other people.
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You can, you can just go die in a hole, nobody cares about you, but you have to die looking after all these other people.
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Yeah,
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chronic.
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So to totally reframe that, and I love it because the, the.
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You know, quite often there is real wisdom in the things that irritate us in society.
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And, and it's because then profound change comes from the people like you, Laura, that speak up about a notion and challenge it.
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Cause sometimes we just accept these things as a given.
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It's almost like women are nurturing, right?
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All these kind of ideas that healers care for others.
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We're caring, nurturing people as part of our identity, part of our natural predisposition as well that, you know, empathic people, especially those that are attracted to healing modalities or counseling, we're naturally caring, empathic people.
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So it's easy for us to fit into that mold of wanting to take care of others.
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So.
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What would be the ideal situation for you if we were to flip that on its head and not be about self care for others?
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What is the opposite of that look like for you?